Soooo… we’ve got our winter quilt on. And what a marvel it is! Forged in the fires of Ikea, it is an exact replica of our summer quilt… but with the opposite end of four buttons in the corners. The intricate workmanship is so accomplished, so beautiful, that when the buttons are brought together and joined, the two quilts become one super quilt – the likes of which no piercing cold can… pierce!
Of a night it is a wondrous thing, but come morning, when the buttons have gone their separate ways, the magic is lost. We awake to find the feathered twins reduced to a twisted ruin, held together by nothing more than a flimsy quilt cover.
Each night we must repeat the Ritual of Corner Buttoning to restore order. It is a small price to pay for the comfort offered, but every time I fight my way out of the quilt sheet and fall to the bedroom floor a sweaty, crying mess, limbs heavy with exhaustion, I can’t help but feel a little humiliated. It couldn’t look more like the bed gave birth to me if I tried!
Winter quilts. In this, Ikea, you have failed.