I wasn’t going to write this.
I’ve already done one annual review this year, another would surely bore my dwindling number of avid readers. After all, there are only so many ways you can laud the virtues of growing your own beard.
Then Facebook had the temerity to rub it in my face. “Anniversary with Jenni today” it reminded me softly… while emblazoning it with a glaring red heart. We’re not even married! I thought, outraged. But then I calmed myself with the thought that Facebook was just offering a gentle reminder that a full year had passed since we started seeing each other. It’s an important date, that notification said. You should probably mark it somehow, Jenni will appreciate it. And remember, I understand women better than you do.
So here we are…
But fear not, for I mean to take a fresh look at things this time. I’ve already covered how lucky I am to have found such a beautiful, giving woman. I gushed – almost sickeningly – about how she somehow sees a better man in me than there will ever be. I’ve raved about her hot chocolate, without even mentioning all the cooking and cleaning she does
You know all you need to know about how great Jen is… so now it’s time to learn how unbelievably blessed she is as well. For it cannot be overstated just how fortunate she is to have found a quality catch like me.
Having spent the best part of my youth locked away in my room, playing computer games and watching TV, my skin has remained practically untouched by direct sunlight. As a result, my soft, pale skin carries a youthful glow that belies my advancing years, a fact only enhanced by the shining forehead slowly being revealed by my receding, thinning hairline. Meanwhile, the hair that remains is tinged with the first whispers of grey, hinting at the smooth, George Clooney-like silver fox I’m soon to become. All of that and I’ve still not mentioned the life-changing beard I like to go on about. It doesn’t grow on my cheeks, but there’s enough for me to fit in with the ever growing crowd of beardos.
I don’t waste time thinking about social climates, economical issues, or politics, but instead like to focus on the things that really matter. Things like crisps tasting like they should, personal feuds with pigeons, and the psychology of spiders.
Some would say that I’m too laid back – lazy almost, but they fail to recognise that I’m just so chilled that life happens at my own pace. There’s nothing lazy about a man writing a novel – even when that novel has taken ten years and would have been completed in a fraction of the time if he’d dedicated just half the time he’s spent playing video games.
I’m a man’s man too. I drink beer, I watch football, I have the deep resonating burp of a champion hunter/gatherer, and on occasions my wind can be so unbearable not even I can live with it.
Finally, at my deepest core I am a romantic. Today is just an example of what I am capable of. Not only am I writing this blog, highlighting to Jen how lucky she is to have me, but I’ve also persuaded her to postpone our “first year celebrations” for a couple of days, so that we can enjoy the benefits of Orange Wednesday.
Two for one at the cinema. Does it get any more beautiful?
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